I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
