my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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