if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
