I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
