shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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