im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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