i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
