she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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