The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
