The best revenge is premature balding
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Everclear isn't food dammit
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
