I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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