He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
