I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
