The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
