im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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