Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
