are you still at the devil's house?
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
