The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
