I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
