is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
