I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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