They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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