4 words: hood of his car
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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