I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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