Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
