wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
