He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
