I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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