She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
