What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
