why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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