I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
