Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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