Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
