You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
