I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
