If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
