can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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