these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
