he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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