Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
