Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
