i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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