Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
