it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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