I think I died a long time ago.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
