'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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