Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
