dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
