Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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