I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
