Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
