Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
