I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
