Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
50% drunk capacity currently
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
