I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
