I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
