I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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