Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
