I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
