I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The beer is more important than you right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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