I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
