my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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