Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
