She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
